I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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