can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
