that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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