what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
