i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
