This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
