He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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