I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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