He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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