he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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