I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
