Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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