how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to sanitize my soul.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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