Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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