Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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