So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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