so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
