I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
