i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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