I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
