my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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