Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
