But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
