Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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