the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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