Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
