I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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