i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I need to align my fucking chakras
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