A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
