I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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