how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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