I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Randomize
