i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
