Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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