I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Please, let me fuck your mom
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
