Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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