Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
