I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
