Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
