Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh god the rape fog is back!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
