Duck Duck Cougar?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
