You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
