ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
