Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
