but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
