My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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