i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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