I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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