hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
