dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
