Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
