I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
