I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
