i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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