We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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