Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
