Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
