Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
