Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
MIDGETS
????
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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