I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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