Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
