The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Someone signed my nipple.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize