Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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