My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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