So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
