Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i will never coherently bang her
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
