where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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