I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
