he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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