you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
